Dating A Man Who Is Separated But Not Yet Divorced?

Say you have found the perfect guy you have always dreamed of. Just when you thought things are going swimmingly well, you find out that he is separated but not yet divorced.

So, what’s the most logical thing to do here? Should you stay, or should you go?

As things vary significantly per person, you need to be mindful of these things if you’re dating a separated man:

Understand the Circumstance

The foremost thing you should remember is this: he is technically still married. He still has commitments to his wife, even if they had already separated two years ago.

You need to understand that couples drift apart because of a variety of things. So, before you put your heart on your sleeve, you need to ask these things:

  • Why did they separate? Did he play a major role in this event?
  • What is the goal of the separation? Is it headed for divorce, or is there a chance for reconciliation?
  • Is his wife aware that he is currently dating?

Separated men who don’t have plans of divorcing any time soon often have a variety of reasons. For some people, it’s all about practicality. It’s expensive to pay for a divorce lawyer, alimony, and child support.

Knowing such reasons can help you decide if the relationship is worth pursuing.

Resist the Rebound

If you have asked the questions stated above, his answers might let you know if you’re on the rebound. This is especially apparent if he has only been separated for a year or so.

If you want to lessen your chances of being hurt, you need to resist his rebound advances.

Be Wary of the Risks

There are risks in all relationships, especially if you’re dating a separated man. While each situation is different, you need to protect yourself by using protection. He might still be sleeping with his wife or even other women.

More importantly, you need to be ready for the fact that he might reconcile with his wife. You can always hope for the best, but you need to be prepared for the worst-case scenario.

Recognize the Red Flags

If you’re looking to pursue an intimate relationship, then you have to be aware of the red flags that might hurt you in the end:

He got separated because he cheated.

This is the ultimate red flag when it comes to dating a separated man. If he’s in his current predicament because of his infidelity, chances are he’ll do it again.

If you don’t want to be on the receiving end of this, it’s time for you to think twice about the relationship.

All he talks about is the separation.

While it’s okay for him to talk about the separation often, it can be quite unnerving if it’s the only thing you talk about.

If you often find yourself in the midst of separation talk, this might mean that he’s still not over his ex. As for you, it’s time to walk out before you get in too deep.

Your questions make him mum or angry.

If you’ve been with the guy for a while, you may find yourself asking more about his personal life. And, if he’s over his separation, there will be no reason for him to stay quiet or be angry whenever you ask.

Strong emotions – or the lack thereof – may mean that he’s not really over it.

Putting Aside the Jealousy

Sad as it may seem, but your date has no legal commitment to you. He does, however, have this with his wife and his children. That said, you must fight your urge to be jealous if he’s visiting his wife and kids every so often.

Just think of it this way: if you were the wife, you’d want your soon-to-be ex-husband to be visible to his children.

Be Ready to Carry Some Baggage

Should you pursue your relationship with a separated man, you need to be ready to carry some baggage with him.

As you don’t know what exactly he’s been through even if he told you this, you need to be careful with everything you say or do. It won’t be helpful to add to the stresses or anxieties he already has.

Take it Slow

Separation comes with many lessons, and your man may be currently working through them. Don’t be surprised if he wants to take it slow, especially if he just got out of a long-term relationship. Some are afraid to make the same mistake again, which may be the reason why they’re opting to be glacial.

Be respectful of his decision by accepting this eventuality – at least for the time being.

Dating a separated man has its set of unique hurdles. While it wouldn’t hurt to give him a chance, you need to be wary of red flags. That way, you don’t end up hurting in the end.

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